• Life

    6 Things I’ve Learned

    It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted. My last post got quite a bit of attention, and not all of it was good. Let’s just say that if you post something on facebook, and tell people if they disagree to move along, the same does not apply for if people share your post. I got a few rude and hateful comments, but they were from people that I expected them to come from, so no real surprise there. I also got a lot of very kind words, from many unexpected sources.

    That’s not why I haven’t written anything in ages. Honestly, I just haven’t felt like it. I don’t make money from this blog, so if I don’t feel like writing, I don’t. I have a lot of posts that will never be posted publicly, just because it was a nice place to write down my thoughts.

    This morning, however, I was thinking about all the things I’ve learned over the last year. Covid has taught me a plethora of things, so I thought I’d share a few tidbits of wisdom I’ve picked up.

    1. Facebook Friendship does not equate real life friendship.

    You do not have to be facebook friends with everyone you know. You don’t even need to be facebook friends with your actual friends. It’s not a requirement. If your mental health is effected by the memes, attitudes, or constant arguing of someone facebook, you can unfriend them. It really doesn’t matter.

    2. Narrowing down your Facebook friends is good for your mental health.

    I started doing this when people started being like “Support health heroes!” but then also “NO MASKS!” I felt like it was a huge stab in the back to healthcare workers like myself, who know and understand science is fluid and ever changing.

    Several years ago I was part of an online MLM and it basically taught me to friend everyone I could, and try to sell to them. Though I friended a lot of people, I never really ever cold messaged anyone (thank god), but I ended up with a LOT of people on my facebook that I didn’t know at all. That was drilled into me so hard, that I never really thought anything of it. Until this past year with Covid and Trump and I basically just didn’t want to hear it anymore.

    A coworker of mine told me that she always checks out the birthday reminders that you get on your notifications, and if she doesn’t know them or want them on her FB, she deletes them. I’ve been doing this ever since and it’s been great. I did not realize how many people I had on there that I would never have a conversation with in real life, so why on earth were they on there to see my personal photos? Crazy what we are taught to think sometimes isn’t it?

    3. I will ALWAYS stand up for retail workers.

    The most under appreciated people on this planet are retail workers. They take a lot of absolute shit off of people, and they can’t say anything back, for fear they may lose their livelyhood. I will die on that hill. Happily. A retail worker does not have ANY say in provincial mandates, nor store rules. So if the store has a rule that you have to wear pants while you’re shopping, don’t stand there and scream at them that it’s your RIGHT to not wear them. No matter how fierce you are, it’s not going to change the fact that that person is likely making minimum wage and has no sway over the CEO of the company. I watched a woman try to rip a man a new one at Indigo in Saint John, and he handled her very well. I also saw other random people back him up and tell him he did a good job. Thankfully, there are still good people in the world.

    4. You do not have to be Facebook friends with your family.

    This is a big one. If your family members are being rude, critical, or just awful, or if you just can’t stand their posts, you CAN unfriend them. If they actually cared about you and what you were up to in real life, they’d get in contact with you. I’ve got cousins I haven’t seen or spoken to since I was 5, and they were mean to me then…do you suppose I’m still friends with them on Social Media? Nope.

    5. Some people don’t care about the truth, facts, or science.

    They care more about their own narrative. I had an interaction with someone on social media several months ago where they were posting misinformation about masks. I decided to kindly post a little bit of scientific information to their comments. This was not received well. I was told that if I disagreed with them to move along. So I did. Unfriend. Delete. Bye. The fun thing about these people though is that if THEY disagree with MY post, they always make their way into my comments to spew their conspiracy BS, instead of taking their own advice and moving along. Funny how that works isn’t it?

    6. This last year has shown the true colours of many people.

    You can tell a lot about a person by they way they treat their waiter/waitress. Same goes for how they treat the cashier, the person at the front door making sure masks are worn, the people stocking shelves, the barista, etc. This ties into number 3 a little. Rest assured, I am going to remember the ones who treated others like shit, the ones who blatantly did not care about the vulnerable. I won’t treat you any differently, but I will remember.

    The moral of this whole story is, protect your mental health. Help protect other people. All of that.

    Well, that’s all for now. Maybe I’ll post more, maybe I won’t.

    Thanks for reading!

  • Life

    Christians & Covid

    Maybe if I get this out of my head and into writing, I’ll be able to understand it better. Maybe someone can enlighten me. I’m sure someone will give me a piece of their mind since this seems to be a hot topic. I’m also sure that this post will make a few people angry. If it does, maybe you should check your heart and motives. Just an FYI, any rotten or nasty comments will be deleted.

    It’s not really a secret that I’m a Christian. If you ask me I’ll tell you. If you don’t agree with me, I’m alright with that. I have a deep faith that has vastly changed over my life. When I was a teen/young adult, I served within the church. I helped in any way that I could. But as I grew older, I saw the corruption and the horrible side of things that I didn’t udnerstand or see when I was younger. I left after Harper was born. Do I still keep my faith? Absolutely.

    Am I against the church? Kind of, but not entirely. However, that’s a whole other subject, honestly.

    What I am 100% for is Christians living the way that they’re supposed to live. Like Christ. Isn’t that the whole point?

    If I’m wondering about my stance on a certain topic, I try and imagine what Jesus might have through. How would he have reacted?

    I’m no Bible scholar, but the only time I can recall Jesus reacting in anger towards something was toward the Pharisees in the temple selling things for profit and turning a place of prayer into a place of greed. He was mad. He flipped tables. Otherwise, he always acted with love and compassion. Towards people who were not perfect. Towards the weak. The helpless. The sick. The needy.

    Nowadays, Christians seem to cherry pick scriptures and use them to justify their actions. To justify hatred towards others. To justify their own choice of sin as better than someone else’s. To justify turning a blind eye to the people around them.

    (I should stop here and say that I know not all Christians are like this. I know many who would literally give you the shirts off their backs and then ask if you needed anything else. They are the most kind and caring people in the world and emulate Jesus to the best of their ability. Unfortunately, the only time Christians ever make headlines is when they’re doing something horrible, not representing Jesus. They do not represent ALL Christians).

    One piece of scripture really stands out to me. It’s when Jesus is doing his last bit of teaching before the passover meal and then heading to Gethsemane to be betrayed by Judas and sent to the cross to die. It’s one of His last teachings before He dies. It’s the parable of the sheep and goats. Matthew 25:31-46. (No, the irony that everyone calls mask wearers sheep is not lost on me). I’ll give the summary for anyone who doesn’t know the story.

    He basically says that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who fed Him when He was hungry, gave Him a drink when He was thirsty, gave Him a room when He was homeless, gave Him clothes when He was cold, visited Him when He was sick, and visited Him in prison. When the people said they couldn’t recall ever doing those things for Him, He said that whenever you did these things for someone who was overlooked or ignored (or the least of these), that you did it for Him.

    So what I really cannot understand is:

    How can a Christian refuse to wear a mask?

    How can someone who professes their desire to act like Jesus refuse to wear a mask on the grounds that the government is making them wear a mark of the devil, (or any grounds at all for that matter) when there are people close to them who are depending on them to help control the spread of dieseas?

    Think you don’t know anyone who is at risk? Think again. That person two doors down who is going through chemotherapy and fighting for their lives? They need you. The kid who was born prematurely? They need you. The guy from church who had a heart attack last year? They need you. The lady whose business just barely survived lockdown? She can barely feed her family and she needs you!

    How can Christians fall for ridiculous conspiracy theories? Would people really rather believe that this is all a hoax or a government plot to track or control people than to believe the only thing to be done to help is their own responsibility?

    I feel like I should slip a little bit of Romans 13:1 in here, where it says to obey your governing authorities because there is no authority other than god and those that exist were put there by God.

    What should Christians be doing?

    Well, like I said, I’m no Bible scholar, or pastor, or anyone of authority, this is just my opinion, but by the sounds of it, we should be picking up groveries for those at risk. We should be making a meal for someone who is now out of work. We should help tutor a kid whose parent is struggling with distance learning. We should be wearing a face mask and washing our hands and helping in any way we can.

    Why? Because that’s what the Jesus that I know and love would be doing.

    That’s what the world needs so badly right now.

  • Life

    Covid Craziness

    Well, I’ve been slack at blogging. Big surprise there! *Insert eyeroll here*.

    Honestly, we went on vacation in February and then when we got home, our house was full of the flu, and then the world went into total meltdown mode.

    My sweet 7 year old

    Harper spent the 8 days surrounding her 7th birthday with the flu. Poor kid. We did end up having family over for pizza and cake (note to self, order more pizza next year!), which she only JUST felt okay enough to participate in. I kept her home from school that day, and therefore cancelled her kid party, but by the afternoon she felt ‘okay’ so I went ahead with the family party. Nothing like a little pizza, cake, and a brush with the flu.

    I’m glad we did it then though, because a few days later, school was cancelled for the foreseeable future and basically everyone went into lockdown mode.

    How are we handling that? Just okay.

    The month of March consisted of me picking up double my shifts to cover at the hospital, and the rest of time trying to control my anxiety, buy groceries for our family and our extended family who were either quarantined or not keen on risking going out.

    If nothing else, she’ll know how to bake.


    Once April came along (547 days later), things kind of settled down some. New Brunswick is doing really well keeping our numbers of Covid low. I’m not sure if I’m just getting used to this, or if its honestly just not that much different than my regular lifestyle. We’re on our second week of official home school from the district, and that is honestly not going that well. Harper and I have such similar personalities that it is not an easy task to teach her anything. I think I’m going to have to make a chart or something of daily tasks and just stick to that. I tried to teach her a couple of fractions yesterday because we’ve been doing a lot of baking, and I thought it’d be useful to teach her. That’s not going the best, but it really could be worse. *shrug*

    Now that I have literally nowhere else to go, my excuses for not getting things done has really gotten quite short. I have accomplished several things I’ve wanted to get done for a long time. I mean, I keep adding to the list but hey, what else have I got to do? Yes, one of those things was to blog more, but my kitchen cupboards were really messy and bugging me, and now they’re not…so there’s that.

    Easter Girl

    I’ve made several signs, developed a Tik Tok addiction, hurt my shoulder, started our seeds for our garden, incubated some eggs (due to hatch this week), spoiled my kid on Easter, cried some, laughed some, cleaned a lot, read a lot, and played a lot of Warcraft.

    Oh and I dyed Harpers hair pink.

    What have you been doing to keep busy?

  • Life

    6 Reasons You Should See a Marriage Counsellor

    We see a marriage counsellor.

    Wait! Did she just say marriage counsellor?! Holy, they must be in hot water! People don’t talk about that! Sheesh!

    Well, maybe they SHOULD talk about it! HELLO! The divorce rate is HUGE, people aren’t even bothered to get married at all, and people are still staying in unhappy marriages ‘for the kids’ (which by the way, is NOT helpful to your kids, but that’s a whole other story).

    Riding ass in Egypt

    If people did talk about it, about normalizing the idea that it’s okay to get help, that wanting more for your marriage is a good thing, maybe we could be happier humans. If we could possibly be happy in our marriages, how great would that be?!

    People talk about ending the mental health stigma all the time, but no one talks about this. This is important! Working on yourself and your marriage is important work and NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT IT!

    So, true to my oversharing self, I’m of course going to talk about it.

    Our councillor, Laura, told us that most couples finally come to therapy after an average of 6 years of being unhappy. I found the literature to back that up.

    Wow. 6 years is a long time to be unhappy, mad, resentful, and grumpy towards someone. Especially someone you love, or at least did at one time. If I were angry with one of my friends for 6 years, we definitely wouldn’t be friends anymore.

    NYE 2019

    Anyway, we have always talked about how we could go see someone to help us figure out how to make our lives run a little bit smoother. To help us with our communication that we all, as a human race, are so good at these days. *Insert sarcastic eyeroll*

    Finally, in May 2019, I figured it was time to actually do that, instead of just talk about it. It’s covered under our health plan, so why not? I booked us an initial appointment.

    Man, was I nervous. I had it in my head that we were going to talk for an hour about how I was a crappy wife and should probably fix that. About how any problems we have would obviously be my fault.

    Totally not how it was.

    You guys. Marriage counselling is great. It really is.

    Here’s why:

    1. You might need an outside perspective – You know that saying that if you were to throw all your problems into a pile with someone else, you’d wanna take yours back? Sometimes it takes someone else looking at your pile and saying “All of this is figure-outable!”
    2. Unbiased opinion – I was scared that everything would be my fault. Another thing I’m finding through this counselling and my personal sessions, is that I’m really hard on myself. I’m sure Casey thought that Laura (our counsellor) would side with me because we’re women. I’m gonna tell you, no one is choosing sides. Some sessions might be more focused on your stuff, and others might focus a little more on your spouse, but there isn’t really any side choosing.
    3. Breaking things down and focusing on changeable things – You know how if you have a big goal to hit, you’re better off making a list of the steps you need to take to get there? It’s like that. If your big goal is a better marriage, let’s break it down into the little, day to day things you can do to get there.
    4. It’s probably covered by your health plan – Seriously. People often see the price of therapy and think pfft! NO WAY! It’s 80% covered by our health plan. Call your provider and find out. A little bit of therapy is probably cheaper than a divorce!
    5. It’s worth your time – An hour session every few weeks is completely doable. Especially if you step back and think about wasting 6 years of your LIFE being unhappy! You can spend an hour scrolling through your Facebook feed, you can definitely spend an hour every few weeks working to make your life better.
    6. You don’t have to be unhappy to go – I wanna put this whole point in caps. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE UNHAPPY TO GO!!!! I feel better now. Don’t wait until it you’ve been unhappy for too long. Go. Now. Seriously. While writing this post I chatted with Casey about it and we both agree that it doesn’t matter what your marriage looks like, it really could only get better, right?! So go, and have a kick ass marriage, because you both deserve it.

    I really can’t say enough good things about going to couples therapy. It’s really made a lovely difference in our marriage, and you guys, we weren’t even unhappy when we went. We just wanted MORE from our marriage, and we’re willing to put the time and effort in to make it better!

    Disclaimer. I have not been paid to say any of this. These are my own opinions.

  • Life

    The World Needs More Kristoff

    Fair warning. If you haven’t seen Frozen 2, there might be some spoilers ahead!

    I’m sure we were among the last people who watched Frozen 2 in theatres, but my schedule was busy so I couldn’t swing it. It’s a full day trip to the city for us at the very least. I took Harper out of school on a Friday and we went away for the night to watch it and get some Christmas shopping done (as much as you can get done with your kid there).

    I thought the movie was fantastic. I’m really into the themes and little lessons slipped in this time, without making it really obvious. One big thing stood out to me.

    Our love is not fragile

    Thank you Kristoff. Really. Thank you. We’ve been watching and showing our kids Disney movies for so long now, that it seems normal for a couple ot be ‘over’ or ‘done’ after a single fight. Over one partner feeling the need for independence. But not Kristoff and Ana.

    Sure, when she took off and left him to his own devices, he sings a little about how that kind of hurt him, but by the end of that song, he’s talked himself back around, remembering that he loves and trusts her to do ”the next right thing.” So he’ll wait for her to return.

    And what is the first thing he says to her when he scoops her up as she runs from the earth giants?

    What do you need?

    There was no, “how dare you just leave me like that?!” No, “You can’t just go off on your own like that!” I think he knows at this point what kind of woman he’s in love with. He trusts that she has a good reason for her crazy flight from the earth giants, and for raving that the dam must be broken.

    When it’s all said and done, Ana, who does realize that she did take off without any notice and that it wouldn’t feel nice to have that done to you, appologizes to Kristoff for not being more considerate.

    He says, “Our love is not fragile.”

    Meaning that it’s a bond based on mutual trust. That it’s strong on both ends.

    We need to stop romanticizing shallow, self centered love. We need to show ourselves and our children that it’s not normal (or it shouldn’t be) for couples to be constantly upset, mad or annoyed at each other over petty differences. We need to make deep connections that last a lifetime, not just until you have a fight over who does more work around the house or who gets more time off without the kids. We need to strive to be couples that support each other over big and small tasks.

    Kristoff doesn’t try and shove Ana aside so he can do the saving. He supports her and lets her shine. He obviously wants to keep her safe but he’s not going to stop her from doing what needs to be done. He’s going to be there for her and support her.

    THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why the world needs a WHOLE LOT more Kristoff!

  • Life

    My Daughter is NOT my Best Friend

    I see it all the time on social media. “Have a daughter and you’ll have a best friend for life.” “I asked God for a best friend, he sent a daughter.” I’m sorry (not sorry) but I wholeheartedly disagree. My daughter is my daughter. It’s a special bond that you can’t compare to anything else in the world and it’s one of the most amazing relationships to be involved in, but we are certainly NOT best friends.

    We probably won’t ever be.

    Why? (What a cold, mean mom! I’m glad she’s not my mom! I feel bad for her kid!).

    Because first and foremost, I am her mother. I’m her protector, safe place, disciplinarian, cheerleader, confidant, mentor, teacher, role model, and much more. To my friends, I’m their friend. I might be able to spread a few seeds of influence here and there, but overall, I’m not (or I hope I’m not) mothering them. They should be able to talk to me, trust me to give them the best advice I can, but it’s not the same. I’m not going to ever punish my friends for misbehaviour. It’s not my place. I am not going to make them write lines to practice their handwriting when it gets sloppy. I’m not going to make them eat their vegetables. At the end of the day, I don’t snuggle in with them, dreading the day when they’re too old for that. They can take my advice or leave it.

    I think it might be a big mistake to aim for friendship with my daughter. Friendship is on equal ground. With my daughter, I should be in a position of leadership. I should guide her to live her best life. I aim to model good and healthy behaviour for her every day, in the best way that I can. When I’m with my friends, sure I’m not going to start breaking the law but I can let loose a little more. I want my daughter to respect me as an adult and her parent, its not the same as being her friend.

    I try to consistently discipline my daughter. I’m sure my friends wouldn’t be overly appreciative of my discipline.

    See where I’m coming from?

    We wonder why our kids don’t respect adults or their parents, this is part of the reason. We’re not friends.

    Maybe one day, when she’s grown and I have no more control in her life, we’ll be a sort of friend, but I hope she has her own best friends, of her own age. I’ll hope I taught her how to live her life in a way that her friends are cherished.

    Until then, I’ll keep on mothering.

    I mean, I’m no parenting expert, so I guess we’ll see how this all pans out!

  • Life

    20 in 20

    I can’t believe it’s been 20 years since we woke up to the world having not ended. We unplugged the computers and had candles out, the bathtubs filled, and water and food stocked just in case the Y2K bug took us all out. When it all didn’t end at midnight, we all sort of thought “Maybe it’ll be midnight on New York time…or LA time.” So we went to bed figuring we might wake to the end of the world as we knew it. Turns out we were all crazy. It’s kind of hilarious to think about it now, that we thought the world was so technological back then that we couldn’t survive a virus. Did anyone have any idea what the next 20 years would bring? Not likely.

    In the past, I have not wanted to take part in the whole “New Year New Me” BS. I’m still not really into that, but I’m into goal setting, so I thought I’d share my goals for this year. Here they are in no particular order.

    1. Continue my current weightlifting routine (3x/week).
    2. Practice yoga twice weekly (seriously, my muscles need it).
    3. Sprinkle enough cardio into my routine to not die on the Tough Mudder in June.
    4. Cut down on the clutter.
    5. Continue to build my sign business.
    6. Volunteer abroad and at home.
    7. Travel to a new country or two (or three?).
    8. Read 24 books.
    9. Make a habit of tracking my food.
    10. Practice Spanish daily.
    11. Run at least 1 5K each month.
    12. Take care of myself through therapy, daily meditation, journaling, taking time for myself, stop neglecting things I love doing.
    13. Utilize my planner more efficiently. Plan & Prepare ahead.
    14. Take care of my marriage (therapy, date nights, time together).
    15. Finish my Nutrition Coaching Course.
    16. Check off a couple of my bucket list items.
    17. Organize one room per month, at least.
    18. Spend more time with Harper.
    19. Be more intentional and less mindless on my phone.
    20. Use less plastic (bags and bottles).

    Happy New Year!

  • Life

    What it’s like to be Waiting Parents

    It’s a weird thing to describe to someone, how it feels to be waiting to adopt. I’ve done the other type of wait, the wait when you’re pregnant and waiting to meet your baby, to hold them, all fresh and know that they’re okay. The last month of pregnancy is at least 400 days long, I can fully vouch for that. I knew I was pregnant very early on, so it felt like a really really long 41.5 weeks. The fact that I was huge and could barely breathe only exaggerated matters. Waiting to adopt though, is so very different.

    You don’t get a phone call or email when you’ve finally gone into labour. Every twinge and funny gurgle in your belly is a little bit of hope that it might be time. With adoption, every single phone call I get, in the back of my mind I think, “Could this be it?” Especially if the caller ID says UNKNOWN. That’ll really make your heart skip a beat. I check my email way more times in the run of a day than is necessary. I know that if it’s important they’ll likely phone me, but honestly, you never know. I have to say, it’s pretty disappointing to only ever get junk mail.

    Sometimes when it’s quiet at the house, I can’t help my mind from wandering. I’ll think that quiet times like that will be less common. I’ll over think a little too, about “What if we end up adopting two?” Could we handle it? What will they be like? Will they resent us for taking them out of their home country? Will they have interest in their birth parents? Or none at all? Will they know english? How old? What gender? What have their lives been like before we met? What about before they went into the orphanage? What were the circumstances surrounding them being placed into an orphanage? What if we know nothing? What if we know their whole family history? I’m sure it’s completely normal to wonder these things.

    Sometimes I wonder if it’s all going to fall out from beneath our feet. We’ve done so much paperwork, put so much time and effort and heart into this so far, but it won’t be ‘real’ for us, not really, until we get the call. Honestly, I sometimes fear that I’ll get an email saying that they’ve taken us off the list because they’ve decided that I’m not fit anymore, that we couldn’t handle another child, or maybe that my BMI is too high for their liking (yes, part of the requirements to adopt from the Philippines is to be under a certain BMI, and yes, they CAN make that a requirement).

    This past Christmas was really emotional for me, which kind of hit me out of the blue. This year I’ll be a bit more prepared for it. We’re a family that hangs out fairly often on a regular basis anyway, but even more so surrounding the holidays. It’s almost too much to try and visit with and see everyone we want to see and who wants to see us. I couldn’t help but think of where our child was right then. Had they been born already? Were they sitting in an orphanage over Christmas? Did they feel loved? Or lonely? I wished they could be with us already, enjoying the love of our family.

    We always have it in the back of our minds. We’re making plans for our next family vacations, as well as our 10 year anniversary next year, and we honestly have to think about what we might do if we booked something and then got the call for our adoption. Travel cancellation insurance is a really good idea.

    As you can see, there are a lot of questions surrounding adoption for me, and I’m sure for others in the same situation as us too. All I can really do is wait, as patiently as possible, and pray that our future child or children are being well taken care of until we can hold them in our arms.

  • Life

    Approved

    It’s been over a year since I posted about our intentions to adopt. At that time, we had finally sent in our completed dossier to the our agency.

    Quite a lot has happened since then. After we sent the dossier to our agency, they got back to us, saying they thought it would be best to update our information, since it took so long to get everything notarized and organized that most of our documents would be out of date by the time they made it to the Philippines. That really sucked. We had to redo our Medicals, our criminal record checks, get new letters from our employers, and new financial statements. Plus they had found a new medical document they wanted filled out for the Philippines specifically. So, off we went to get that all done with and re notarized. Our dossier finally went off to the Philippines probably in August of 2018.

    In November we received word back from the Philippines that they had some extra questions from us. We were asked more questions on how we planned to handle becoming a multicultural/multi racial family, as well as specific scores from our psychological testing.

    The rest of the questions was the easy part. Getting in touch with our psychologist is like pulling teeth. It took 3 weeks for her to return my original email. We didn’t finally receive the documents from her until January of 2019. 9 weeks after emailing her. With the extra addendum finally put together, we were able to mail it off to our agency and finally off to the Philippines.

    The processing time for extra information requests is 2-4 months, so I expected that we wouldn’t hear anything until the 4 month mark. I was scared we’d be asked more questions and have to wait another 2-4 months. I was right in that they took 4 months. We finally got our approval!

    It really has been quite a long road of paperwork. We began thinking of adopting in May of 2017, got approval from the province of NB in April 2018, and approval from the Philippines in May 2019.

  • Life

    A Small Town Nurse

    REPOST from old blog. Sept 21, 2018

    I want to start this post off by saying that I’m privileged enough to work with one of the best teams of nurses on earth. We have each others backs and support each other in every hairy situation you can imagine.

    Working at a tiny hospital in a tiny town is a completely different experience than that of the nurse in a large hospital. Many people would ask things like “Is it weird to nurse people who you’re related to?” or “Is it weird to see the same people at the grocery store that you saw in the ER that day?” Honestly? It’s not even weird. If you’re doing your job as a nurse, you can separate outside life from what you see in the ER.

    But can you? Really?

    For the little things, like giving a needle or the medications people take, yes. I don’t remember (or judge) that sort of thing. I’ve had someone ask me if I remembered seeing their bum once. No. No I didn’t. Thanks for the reminder.

    For other things, it’s more difficult to forget about. Since it’s such a small community, I get to know, and care about my patients. I am able to form great relationships with many of them, and that is one of the most rewarding parts of my job.

    There are other things, though, that you carry with you. For a long time. Some days, when I’m going about my life, grocery shopping with my little girl, I see someone and think, I remember nursing your family member, and it brings up all kind of different emotions.

    I remember holding your aunts hand while she died. I remember stepping out of the room and blinking back my tears.

    I remember the fear on your friends face when they were having the worst day of their life.

    I remember holding out hope for you when you were praying that this wasn’t a miscarriage. I remember the joy on your face when you found that it wasn’t.

    I remember laughing so hard at your joke that I snorted, which of course made me laugh harder.

    I remember the day you felt that you lost every bit of dignity you had. I tried my best to give you some of that back.

    I remember holding your hands, sitting on the stretcher, and praying with you.

    I remember waking up in the middle of the night, questioning myself, whether I did or said the right thing that day.

    I remember being there when we couldn’t save your family member. No matter how hard we tried, and we tried SO hard.

    I remember being called in to work in the middle of the night so we could transport you to a larger hospital where you could get the life saving procedures you needed. I didn’t mind the loss of sleep, if it meant you could come home to your family.

    I remember the day you were so scared you might die. I remember being scared too. When I see you in the community, my heart sings.

    So as you can see, it’s VERY different to work in a small community than it is in a large hospital. Yes, we clock out at the end of the day, but the nurse in us is always going, thinking, remembering.