Life

6 Reasons You Should See a Marriage Counsellor

We see a marriage counsellor.

Wait! Did she just say marriage counsellor?! Holy, they must be in hot water! People don’t talk about that! Sheesh!

Well, maybe they SHOULD talk about it! HELLO! The divorce rate is HUGE, people aren’t even bothered to get married at all, and people are still staying in unhappy marriages ‘for the kids’ (which by the way, is NOT helpful to your kids, but that’s a whole other story).

Riding ass in Egypt

If people did talk about it, about normalizing the idea that it’s okay to get help, that wanting more for your marriage is a good thing, maybe we could be happier humans. If we could possibly be happy in our marriages, how great would that be?!

People talk about ending the mental health stigma all the time, but no one talks about this. This is important! Working on yourself and your marriage is important work and NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT IT!

So, true to my oversharing self, I’m of course going to talk about it.

Our councillor, Laura, told us that most couples finally come to therapy after an average of 6 years of being unhappy. I found the literature to back that up.

Wow. 6 years is a long time to be unhappy, mad, resentful, and grumpy towards someone. Especially someone you love, or at least did at one time. If I were angry with one of my friends for 6 years, we definitely wouldn’t be friends anymore.

NYE 2019

Anyway, we have always talked about how we could go see someone to help us figure out how to make our lives run a little bit smoother. To help us with our communication that we all, as a human race, are so good at these days. *Insert sarcastic eyeroll*

Finally, in May 2019, I figured it was time to actually do that, instead of just talk about it. It’s covered under our health plan, so why not? I booked us an initial appointment.

Man, was I nervous. I had it in my head that we were going to talk for an hour about how I was a crappy wife and should probably fix that. About how any problems we have would obviously be my fault.

Totally not how it was.

You guys. Marriage counselling is great. It really is.

Here’s why:

  1. You might need an outside perspective – You know that saying that if you were to throw all your problems into a pile with someone else, you’d wanna take yours back? Sometimes it takes someone else looking at your pile and saying “All of this is figure-outable!”
  2. Unbiased opinion – I was scared that everything would be my fault. Another thing I’m finding through this counselling and my personal sessions, is that I’m really hard on myself. I’m sure Casey thought that Laura (our counsellor) would side with me because we’re women. I’m gonna tell you, no one is choosing sides. Some sessions might be more focused on your stuff, and others might focus a little more on your spouse, but there isn’t really any side choosing.
  3. Breaking things down and focusing on changeable things – You know how if you have a big goal to hit, you’re better off making a list of the steps you need to take to get there? It’s like that. If your big goal is a better marriage, let’s break it down into the little, day to day things you can do to get there.
  4. It’s probably covered by your health plan – Seriously. People often see the price of therapy and think pfft! NO WAY! It’s 80% covered by our health plan. Call your provider and find out. A little bit of therapy is probably cheaper than a divorce!
  5. It’s worth your time – An hour session every few weeks is completely doable. Especially if you step back and think about wasting 6 years of your LIFE being unhappy! You can spend an hour scrolling through your Facebook feed, you can definitely spend an hour every few weeks working to make your life better.
  6. You don’t have to be unhappy to go – I wanna put this whole point in caps. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE UNHAPPY TO GO!!!! I feel better now. Don’t wait until it you’ve been unhappy for too long. Go. Now. Seriously. While writing this post I chatted with Casey about it and we both agree that it doesn’t matter what your marriage looks like, it really could only get better, right?! So go, and have a kick ass marriage, because you both deserve it.

I really can’t say enough good things about going to couples therapy. It’s really made a lovely difference in our marriage, and you guys, we weren’t even unhappy when we went. We just wanted MORE from our marriage, and we’re willing to put the time and effort in to make it better!

Disclaimer. I have not been paid to say any of this. These are my own opinions.

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